you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
