It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
