We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
wow bdsm is so cute
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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