tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
