spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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