Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
