You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices