he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.