Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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