I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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