I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.