i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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