Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

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  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7662) Bad night (1423)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (1096) Bad night (2583)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...there is blood under my fingernails.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...I hope my roomates are okay.

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  (515): ...there is blood under my fingernails. (515): ...I hope my roomates are okay. http://tfl.nu/jgvb
  Replies (7) Good night (934) Bad night (3284)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1216) Bad night (6599)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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  (248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc
  Replies (50) Good night (7085) Bad night (1106)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

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  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (4054) Bad night (897)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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  (813): He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand. http://tfl.nu/9yan
  Replies (10) Good night (949) Bad night (3270)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...

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  (906): They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home... http://tfl.nu/s5gn
  Replies (1) Good night (840) Bad night (1913)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

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  (417): If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug. http://tfl.nu/ibns
  Replies (6) Good night (2226) Bad night (696)
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  (559): View more from California

  I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?

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  (559): I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/uj0t
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (1897)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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  (770): you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why. (678): THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/cex4
  Replies (18) Good night (2941) Bad night (628)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.

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  (+44): I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no. http://tfl.nu/bvly
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (245)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Check the mailbox while you're out!

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.

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  (306): Check the mailbox while you're out! (1-306): I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree. http://tfl.nu/rtqa
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (208)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.

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  (740): I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes. http://tfl.nu/v5b0
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (336)
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  (831): View more from California

  So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great

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  (831): So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great http://tfl.nu/lton
  Replies (1) Good night (194) Bad night (597)

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