Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
