You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
