OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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