also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
