She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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