just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
