im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
