i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
