I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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