just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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