I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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