I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
