Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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