can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
