Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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