break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
