I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
