I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
