Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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