I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
