No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize