meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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