im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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