Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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