Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
