I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
