You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
