....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
