remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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