I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
