he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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