Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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