Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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