I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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