Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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