Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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