Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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