woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
