3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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