Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
