Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
