I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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