on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
