I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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