so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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