Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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