just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
