i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
