if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
