i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
