i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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