fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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