i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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