I have demons in me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
