The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
