i was born a porn star she said
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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