I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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