I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
